We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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