you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
