Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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