All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
