pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
