I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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