You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
