Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
