Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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