**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
one might say we're banned from that church
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
