Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
