You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I am naked and annoyed.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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