Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
