dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
