Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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