I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
