I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
