I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
