O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
