i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
