Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
