i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
