1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
