if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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