i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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