They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
