I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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