anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
