Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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