Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
