listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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