Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
