Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
