Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
