don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
