it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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