I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
