Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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