Dual....:-)
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
