He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
