My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
