Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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