just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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