I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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