im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
