I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
