Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
