I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
