Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
