god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
